She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
