I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I lost the right to judge tonight
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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