Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
