Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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