I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
