For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
