So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
