Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
