Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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