We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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