Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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