he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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