In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
