I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am naked and annoyed.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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