i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
