I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
no you cant smoke seaweed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
