hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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