Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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