I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
