Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
