You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
