I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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