There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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