Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
