he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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