oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
