you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
