i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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