my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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