I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize