Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
