dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
