i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
