i need an iv and a liver transplant
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
