She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
