you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
