i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The struggles of a small town man whore
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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