She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
