Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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