I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
