Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
