Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Someone shit on the floor
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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