porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
