Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
