My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize