I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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