i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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