I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
