Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
