I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
