McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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