need another drink. this is the easiest way
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
