Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
