the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
