I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
