Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
