I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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