I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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