capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
