Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
