Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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