Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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