i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
