Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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