Pants 0. Shit 1.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
