Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
