so that wasnt chicken after all
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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